“Hello from the other side.” -words that aren’t actually mine but are very well applicable to my current situation. If social media or interaction with other humans is something you encounter on a daily basis, you most likely heard of Adeles latest hit-single: Hello.
“Hello from the outside.”
As explained in multiple posts before I am a foreign exchange student figuring things out as I go. There is no handbook on how to make it right or for a matter of fact wrong. You often face hurdles which ought to be overcome. One is definitely being thousands of miles apart from your friends and family and the scary image of having to step out of your comfort zone to create new valuable bonds.
“I must’ve called a thousand times.”- Seven hours time difference don’t make it easier for me trying to communicate with the people on the other side of the pond. I get out of school and they already turned of the lights on their bedside table. Even though this century presented us with new options to bring a point across, texting can not compete with a phone call. One where you can hear your best friends laugh or the caring and deeply concerned voice of your mother.
Let me get this straight: I’m not complaining, I am blessed to have met all these wonderful individuals who have accepted me for who I am. I consider myself socially awkward yet don’t fail to make friends. A contradiction in itself but it somehow works. I walk through the hallways able to greet and smile at people, as I do. It is as if I’ve always been one of them, something I truly treasure as there are only so many humans who acknowledge you as being different and accepting it. While every story has a bright side, to create a riveting plot we need some heartbreak. Being a “foreigner” is a conversation starter for sure but looking at the time and seeing how quickly everything moves I am scared every time I have to think/talk about leaving in June 2016. I already lived through lasts, remembering the bittersweet first before them. Football season, the time of Friday Night Lights, is over. And while I still have basketball season and so many other things in front of me I can’t help myself but think if it’s too late. Which is comical because we have to remember it is never too late.
A few days back I felt lonely. I had friends and a lovely host sister next door but it wasn’t the same coziness I had known. I was aching for a hug. One where you could bury your head in someones neck and feel as if nothing could ever be bad enough to give up and never feel this feeling again. I don’t know if this thing I felt was home sickness, as said before there is no real handbook for exploring the unexplored. Searching for a place were you belong is misleading in my opinion. Making people believe that they always have to look for a place better than the one they are in right know is not only stressful but can also end in disappointment. Crying may not be the solution but oftentimes it is just the body cleansing itself from the poisoned thoughts that hinder us from striving for happiness and contentedness.
“At least I can say that I’ve tried.”
I wouldn’t change my situation right now, as I am speechless everyday, surprised to have discovered yet a new thing. It is not about proofing myself that I could do it because I am not suffering. Of course I am accompanied by failure but that is not determined by the the degree of longitude and latitude of my being…
I may just need to schedule another Skype call to share my thoughts and emotions,
in true texan manner
If you made it this far congrats and I send you a virtual hug for reading more than the average.